Just Give Up
Downer Dates
Erin Campbell Watson
Issue date: 11/21/08 Section: Opinions & Editorials
Recently, as I enjoyed a pleasant lunch at Downer, one of my companions suggested that I comment on the potential to pick up honeys at Downer and the proper etiquette when doing so. Personally, this concept is terrifying to me, because I hate talking to strangers, especially when I am trying really hard to ignore them, and especially when they are trying to "pick me up," as it were.
In fact, I can really think of nothing more annoying than having my peaceful lunch interrupted by some loser trying to date me, unless this person was Heath Ledger, who is actually dead, so a pleasing outcome here is totally impossible. At this point in my Lawrence career, I suppose I should be more grateful that anyone, anyone at all, would want to try dating me, however, so I will attempt to envision this as a flattering, welcome opportunity, which I guess ideally, it would be.
In my estimation, there are several ways to endear yourself to potential dates while at Downer. The first, undoubtedly most brazen, and frankly, kind of annoying, is the uninvited sit-down. Because this move is so socially straining on both parties, conditions must be perfect. Trying to pull off an uninvited sit-down during breakfast would be completely idiotic, because everyone is crabby during breakfast, and in fact, if the person with whom you sit down is not crabby during breakfast, even after being surprised with your company, this is not a person you should have any interest dating, or really even being around more than a little. This person is clearly unnecessarily perky, and would make an exhausting companion.
The only way this move would not be a monstrous failure is if you are in Downer at the time when they are serving the personal pizzas, and you are a stop-and-chat acquaintance of the person whom you are courting, and if you have detected a slight amount of romantic interest on her side of the equation in the past (it counts if you were both inebriated, because otherwise, I would be giving you the strike zone of a midget).
In fact, I can really think of nothing more annoying than having my peaceful lunch interrupted by some loser trying to date me, unless this person was Heath Ledger, who is actually dead, so a pleasing outcome here is totally impossible. At this point in my Lawrence career, I suppose I should be more grateful that anyone, anyone at all, would want to try dating me, however, so I will attempt to envision this as a flattering, welcome opportunity, which I guess ideally, it would be.
In my estimation, there are several ways to endear yourself to potential dates while at Downer. The first, undoubtedly most brazen, and frankly, kind of annoying, is the uninvited sit-down. Because this move is so socially straining on both parties, conditions must be perfect. Trying to pull off an uninvited sit-down during breakfast would be completely idiotic, because everyone is crabby during breakfast, and in fact, if the person with whom you sit down is not crabby during breakfast, even after being surprised with your company, this is not a person you should have any interest dating, or really even being around more than a little. This person is clearly unnecessarily perky, and would make an exhausting companion.
The only way this move would not be a monstrous failure is if you are in Downer at the time when they are serving the personal pizzas, and you are a stop-and-chat acquaintance of the person whom you are courting, and if you have detected a slight amount of romantic interest on her side of the equation in the past (it counts if you were both inebriated, because otherwise, I would be giving you the strike zone of a midget).
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